The luckily girl
There was this little girl called emma. She had everything she had an pool in the house even a butler, but she didn’t have a brother she really wanted a brother so she asked her mum for her spell book and she gave it to her thank you I said walking out of the room. I read the spell book out loud nothing happened. But when I had a dream this weird person came I to me and said hi my name bill I heard you want a brother yes that’s all I what I said but I want something I said what I want your soul ok you can have my soul then we handshaked, I was worried that I won’t actually get a brother.He said power, power, power, power brother, brother, brother and you have him until i want your soul. But I ran away with my brother I really wanted my brother.what is your name I said my name is jackson but you can call me jack or son. Cas we were stool in my mind we tried to wake up and I woke up.with Jackson my hands . I said how old are you I said 3 years old he said I’m 33 wow he said. Do you want to play tag he said maybe later, oh ok he said bye bye I said then 5 minutes later he said do you what to play cars with me no thank you maybe tomorrow ok fine he shouted I went to bed I could not sleep he was banging and banging I told him to shhhhhhhhh but he keep on banging and banging then I asked my mum for her spell book I couldn't take it I had to put him back in my dreams it said to get something back in your dreams. You have to say these words lee soo ma te la la I said those words nothing happened till 5pm a black hole appeared in my room and said bring me jackson y-yes I said in shooke jackson someone what’s you he came running in d-d-dad yes my little picking bear come to my arms jackson jump in to mid air but his dad caught him it was so so cute ooh I said about to cry bye bye he said
The End
Hey there, I’m Khiel from Hornby Primary School.
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing because you put lots of words in it and you and it is make sence and specially your story about The luckily girl
ReplyDeleteBonjour Ella,I thought your story was awesome because you had a lot of detail.The way you explained things about the character made it really easy to picture the person. Some of your word and sentences didn't make sense and you didn’t have many full stops. Next time do you think you could make your words more clear?
Hi Ella!
ReplyDeleteYour story is amazing. That girl must have been lucky. Maybe next time you could check your spelling and punctuation so that your writing makes sense. But overall you did a good job Ella.
;) Eden
Hi Ella, it is Ellie from room 8. I enjoyed reading your story, it reminded me of myself as I don't have a brother.
ReplyDeleteLook back and try to read over your story so it makes sense and has all the correct punctuation in the right places. I cant wait to read more stories from you.